some deep questions

Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

1.How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
um 6 or 21

2.Which is worse, failing or never trying?
they both hurt.  i am more comfortable with never trying then failing...not that that makes it better or worse...its just comfortable.  in giving people advice i would usually say that trying things and giving it your best effort is always worth it so take the risk of failing (except jumping off the balcony at the nat...thats just crazy

3.If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
we feel like its expected...even when it really isnt...or if it is the people that "expect it" shouldnt matter.  and you never know until you try (haha see above)

4.When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
unfortunately...im a chicken...

5.What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
the lack of peace and joy...not just Christmasy peace and joy...but genuine deep down lasting peace and joy.  it would help us all get along :)

6.If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
anything with puppies or zoo animals :) training and cuddling them

7.Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
...probably settling...but since i've settled i believe in my work more and in myself more...kinda finding what i believe in by settling.  but who knows about tomorrow?

8.If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
ummm sleep in more, had kids sooner, married my friends off...sounds like a bucket list in the making

9.To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
to a large degree...meaning "its all my fault" hehe.  for a large part i am dependent on others to assist in making decisions (even the little ones)...but i actually am controlling the course (they should have drivers ed for this course though seriously)

10.Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
...doing things right...very very closely followed by doing the right things...its the perfectionist, control freak, performance anxiety inside of me...

11.You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
point out the good in her.  defend her without becoming "defensive". "oh are you talking about ____. she is amazing.  did you know she saved the whales and took all the graffiti off my house all while babysitting a newborn and writing her thesis?" that is exactly what i would try to say

12.If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
love much - even when it hurts

13.Would you break the law to save a loved one?
um...depends on what i was saving them from...jail - no...creepy person - possibly...death - most likely

14.Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
most definitely

15.What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
process life...i over analyze and over anxietize...all while pretending life is perfect and im ok.  oh wait thats not just me....but i feel like its just me...IS ANYBODY OUT HERE?!?

16.How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
because not everyone likes books and puppies as much as i need books and puppies and justin :)

17.What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s
holding you back?
have a kid...fear...finances...insurance...fear...fear...NEEDLES!!...responsibility

18.Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
yes...fear! (see above)

19.If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
australia of course. they have kangaroos and sunshine and aussie accents and sunshine and an outback on every corner :)

20.Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
no - unless the light in the button doesn't come on...then i press it again (just one more time) if the light stays off it stays off...

21.Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
joyful simpleton :) though being a genius has its benefits...i should know :) bwahaha

22.Why are you, you?
because God needs me to be me and likes me just the way i am :) and He wants to use me too.  i truly believe He used experiences in my life to mold me just the way i am...perfectly imperfect

23.Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
i try...i dont want to be the naggy, clingy, i told you so friend...but sadly sometimes i cant help it...

24.Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
losing touch...its sad...but it happens and life goes on...

25.What are you most grateful for?
my life - the good, the bad, and the ugly :) the hard and the happy :) the smiles and the tears :) the opportunities and the fears (i just rhymed :) )

26.Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
...this is a tough one because i do not remember large (really large) chunks of my childhood...and new memories happen every day...but i rely a lot on the joy of past memories...but the memories that are yet to be made may bring joy as well...so as long as i dont have to lose the memories that are yet to be made once they are made then i would choose to lose all of my old memories

27.Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
yes...sometimes you just know...and sometimes it takes forever to figure it out...and sometimes the perspective of the "truth" changes over time.  so what is truth?  is there truth? dont answer that...i dont like debates

28.Has your greatest fear ever come true?
nope...every time i think it may be i overcome the fear that is staring me in the face

29.Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
actually yes...and it has made a difference in many aspects of my life today...but the time ten years ago doesnt matter a lick

30.What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
playing circus in the backyard in georgia...we were all a part of the circus...even Ter the monkey walking on the top of the swing set

31.At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
when sharing the passion and love the God has placed in me - oh and my wedding DAY (make sure you read that right)

32.If not now, then when?
i think just because i have felt passionate and alive in the past does not mean that there will not be more moments and opportunities to feel more passionate and more alive.  i just have to seek those opportunities

33.If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
i have achieved it but i should pursue to continue achieving it...when the passion and life is lost what is the point?  therefore continue pursuing the passion and the life until you find it and it finds you and the meeting of the two is one huge emotionally intimate mess :) and then chase after it again :)

34.Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
isnt it so refreshing...i love it :) it helps that i tend to be a quiet person and many times prefer the quiet over the projectile vomit of too many words and ackward conversations.

35.Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
because they are protecting what they love - even when it hurts so many others.  people will do amazing things for the people/causes/religions they love and think are right.

36.Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
yes and no.  i think the holy spirit leads us and guides us and gives us the ability to discern the difference (i mean eve ate from the tree didnt she) but we dont always listen...or we choose to ignore what our conscience.  but sometimes there is no way of knowing without stepping out and experiencing for yourself

37.If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
uh haha well...seeing as though i dont actually have one...um...if i did..probably...because the people at work would harass me about it...i would move away...change my name...and find a job where people didnt know i was rich...and i could do my job because i loved it not because i needed it

38.Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
more work that i actually enjoy doing.  but what does that look like?  guess i have some self-reflecting to do

39.Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
not today nope.

40.When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
rarely if ever...i dont like the dark...at all...though metaphorically i feel like we all do to some extent each day with each decision we make (deep huh?)

41.If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
mom, ter, and aly-issa....but wait and sher...and dad...oh this list is going to get long

42.Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
uh no...besides...according to the people that really matter i am attactive and even famous.  when you matter you matter and your looks and the gossip that follows you cant change that.

43.What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
i am alive but am i living?  breathing and having a pulse means im alive.  pursuing my dreams, aspirations, and the things that makes me feel fulfilled and joyous means im truly living.

44.When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
ouch - deep down i think we should always choose to do what we think/know is right...but sometimes the fear deep inside us wont let us...so find a buddy and do it together :) besides...who decides it is right...because if i get to decide what is right...well...i may be wrong (see below)

45.If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
its the perfectionism and performance anxiety that comes out in all of us...silly fear of failure...and societal expectations...we want to be superman and conquer the world...not let society actually see us in our weakness...

46.What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
wear althetic shorts and ts more...and jeans...and ponytails...and eat with my elbows on the table (oh wait i already do that). talk more openly about my faith (sad isnt it)

47.When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
...saturday when hubby could have sworn i was hyperventalating...but in all actually i was just crying..

48.What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
snuggling, kisses, puppies, getting people to share their life and their feelings. yes :)

49.In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
yesterday possibly...the day before that no...the day before that definitely not...mainly because i cant remember now and its only been 3 days...

50.Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
i am leaning on the guidance of those close to me, but ultimately the decision will be mine....arg....i wish i had an operation manual that would say "hey silly pick this one because it will make you happy and be amazingly awesome"